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Thursday, April 07, 2005

It's funny how so much can happen in just one day. I live my life like normal, i act normal and be my cheery self. I wake up in the mornings, go to school then work...i still pretend to be happy but i'm not. I'm so tired and confused. I feel so lost and when i need to talk to someone, they're either "busy" or ignore you. People say they'll always be there for you but when you actually need them, they run away. What have i been doing with my life these days? Everything's changed..before, I knew that there were certain people who I could turn to no matter what. But now they're not who they used to be. They've changed and i've changed because they've changed. I guess I became more independant because i just stuffed all my problems inside myself and tried to deal with it...i don't know if that's any good though...really though...where are those people that say that they'll always be free for you when you need someone to listen or a shoulder to cry on?? i feel as if every relationship i've had with those people have just been lies. When i try to talk to them, they're either busy on msn or worrying about themselves or whatever. I don't want to be selfish but right now i really need someone and everyone i have turned to...everyone that said they'll always be there for...every one of those people has rejected me and they probably don't even know it. Why is it like that?Or is it just me? I try to be a good friend, a good person but it always seems like i'm not good enough. I always get put down and now...i don't even know if i care anymore....what am i doing with my life. I'm so messed up right now. At TC i said i would live my life for God..what happened? I did the first week and now...I doubt...why is my life like this..? Why do i always have to pretend for people...why am i like this?Why am i doubting...